"Take Me Away..."

In the Name of God, the Subtle, the Loving

One my precious late daughter's favorite songs is Natasha Bedingfield's "Pocket Full of Sunshine." I really enjoy listening to the song as well. Its message is warm, comforting, and upligting. Yet, when I listen to it now, it not only makes me smile, but it also gives me a twinge of pain, because I remember looking in the rearview mirror and seeing my baby Bayan smile at the song and sing along with the lyrics. Sadly, I can never see her smiling face again as long as I live on this earth.

Still, the best songs are those that allow one to connect to a higher knowledge, a greater good than simply being entertained. The best songs are those that allow you to see God everywhere around you. "Pocket Full of Sunshine" is one of those songs.

Ms. Bedingfield sings of her "pocket full of sunshine" where she has a "love, and I know that it's all mine." To me, that love is God Almighty. He is my Love; He is my Precious Beloved; He is my Light and my Strength. Without Him, I could not breathe on this earth. I am comforted by the fact that He is always with me, even if I don't think about Him as much as I should. That is why He is so Beautiful, and I am so ugly.

Then she sings:

Take me away, a secret place

A sweet escape, take me away

Take me away, to better days

Take me away, a hiding place

The best part of the song is when she sings:

There's a place that I go that nobody knows

Where the rivers flow, and I call it home

And there's no more lies, in the darkness there's light

And nobody cries, there's only butterflies

I think about where that place is for me. One day, I hope and pray that this place is Paradise, where I will be reunited with my baby. But that is after a lifetime of struggle on God's path and God's showering His Grace upon me.

Until then, I wonder where that place is. Sometimes, that place is on the golf course. I love that place: it is beautiful, full of the art of God's creation, and it takes me to a very comforting place, despite all the frustration I feel when I (frequently) shoot a bad shot into the midst of God's creation (read: trees, bushes, sand traps, water, rough, and high grass).

Sometimes, that place is with my wife and family, when we are enjoying time together. I am so grateful to God for them. Sometimes, that place is when I write. Yet, whenever I reflect over this, it makes me sad. Because, of all the things I have cited, I have never said that this place "where the rivers flow and I call it home" is my daily ritual prayers.

Ideally, my five prayers should take me to that place where "nobody cries" and "there's only butterflies." But, they don't. Whenver I pray, I am constantly thinking...about everything: about an article I want to write; about a patient I have seen during the day; about my daughter; about my aches and pains; about a song I heard; about the amount of work I have to do; about the test I have to take in the fall...and so on, and so on.

Never do I enter into prayer and go to a special place. Because, truly, when one enters into the ritual prayer, one enters into the Divine Presence, the presence of the Precious Beloved. How can I not pay full attention to my "Pocket Full of Sunshine"? Why don't I have my own personal mi'raj, or ascension, to God when I enter into the prayer? After all, it was during the famous and sacred Night Journey that God commanded the Prophet to pray five times a day.

That's because I am ugly. I am weak. I am not as good as I should be. I will try my best to make the daily prayers a transformation to that "secret place" about which Natasha sings, but I know it won't be so all the time. And this makes me sad.

And when Natasha sings:

The sun is on my side and take me for a ride

I smile up to the sky, I know I'll be alright

It reminds me of the Precious Lord, and I know that when He is with me, I will always be alright. And thus, I make this prayer:

O Precious, Beloved, Loving, Subtle, Beautiful Lord God!

You have always shown me Your Beauty

And I have always shown You my ugliness

You have always shown me Your Generosity

And I have always shown You my greed and selfishness

You have always shown me Your Light

And I have always shown You my darkness.

O Sweet, Precious God!

Forgive me!

Forgive me for showing you the ugly side of me, even though You show me Your Beauty.

Forgive me for showing you the selfish side of me, even though You show me Your Generosity

Forgive me for showing you my dark side, even though You show me Your Light.

I am unworthy, Lord. So forgive me!

And I pray that, despite my ugliness, You always and continue to show me Your Beauty.

For I am lost if I can't live in the light of Your Grace, Mercy, Love, Peace, and Blessings.

In Your Most Holy Name I ask these things, O Lord. Amen.

With Friends Like These...

In the Name of God, the Subtle, the Loving

The article below has been published on altmuslim and will be published on Wajahat Ali's blog Goatmilk.

Controversy erupted last week when Hizb-ut-Tahrir (HT), the decades-old Islamic political organization dedicated to the re-establishment of the Khilafa, or Caliphate, held its first ever convention on American soil in suburban Chicago, right in my backyard. Many on the right were sounding alarm bells about an "Islamic supremacist group" holding a conference on American soil, and a number of protesters gathered to voice their opposition to the group. One wonders why, after so many years of simply distributing leaflets and their newsletter ("Khalifornia"), they decided to have a conference in America, where they have heretofore had a minimal impact at best.

This contrasts sharply with their relative success in other countries across the world, such as the U.K., Denmark, Australia, and even Indonesia, where they attracted 100,000 supporters to a rally in Jakarta. In their American debut, they could not even attract 1,000 people. This may have to do with their identity politics: they are all about "us vs them," and this may resonate more with Muslim minority communities in Europe and elsewhere, where the Muslim minority - especially after 9/11 and with the rise of the right - has lately been under siege.

Yet in America, again, they have long remained marginal, and it may have to do with their past actions. I have long known those who claim to represent HT in America as disrespectful, disruptive rabble rousers who interrupt speeches, Friday sermons, and lectures - including my own. I remember how terribly disruptive they were at several ISNA conferences several years back, even locking arms and yelling out: "In il hukmu illa lillah," or "Verily all sovereignty belongs to God," during a lecture. When I was in college, members of HT were notorious at causing fights and disruptions at the local mosque, and it made going there a very unpleasant experience for me.

I remember an event at a prominent mosque in Chicago that had former U.S. Attorney Ramsey Clark as the keynote speaker. Members of HT swarmed the event and, in a seemingly choreographed manner, got up during Mr. Clark's speech and started yelling and interrupting him. They openly insulted Mr. Clark and had to be forcibly removed from the mosque, all the while yelling out, "Fear God O Believers!" My brother was president of the MSA at a Chicago university, and members of HT gave him the most difficult time, clearly trying to wrest leadership of the chapter from him. They fought him on almost everything the MSA was doing, even down to how many volleyball nets should be put up at the MSA picnic. It really took a toll on him.

Yet, my distaste for Hizb-ut-Tahrir is not out of some personal vendetta because they interrupted my Friday sermons. Its actions are frequently counterproductive to the work of American Muslims in the greater society. Take the title of its Chicago conference as a prime example: "Fall of Capitalism and the Rise of Islam." It seems to have been purposefully designed to evoke a visceral response of disgust from most non-Muslim Americans. It did just that, in fact, in me. In one fell swoop, the title both insults Western ideals and evokes fear of an Islamic "bogeyman" about to strike. Now, there is nothing wrong with criticising capitalism as an economic system - that is its right. Yet, Hizb-ut-Tahrir can show tact in how to deliver such a criticism, which clearly it did not.

Moreover, HT's political philosophy is as counterproductive as its public actions. It claims that voting and civic participation is "haram," or forbidden. How are Muslims supposed to fulfill their God-given obligation to improve the earth and society around them? HT's answer is to separate from the kufr, or "infidel," society. Separation and segregation will help no one, neither Muslims nor their non-Muslim neighbors, friends, and co-workers, who need more, not less, interaction with their Muslim compatriots. Moreover, I find it horribly ungrateful that HT would issue unending criticisms of Western society as "evil and decadent," yet continue to enjoy the freedom said "evil and decadent" society accords them. If the West is so bad, why not leave?

Then there is the crux of their very existence: the re-establishment of the Caliphate. How is such a lofty goal to be achieved? Their answer to this question is elusive. And what is the Caliphate, anyway? Are we really supposed to work for the establishment of a "global Islamic government"? Who would be the Caliph? Where would the capital be? What are Muslims, born and raised in the West, to do if and when this Caliphate is established? Leave their homes, families, and lives? HT remains silent on these issues. I think Muslim activist and writer Junaid Afeef summed it up best when he said that the Caliphate is "an idea that we need to work toward justice and just society, one that's ruled in a [manner] that promotes justice and equality to all people. That idea of a worldwide global empire run by a Muslim leader...it's a farce."

On its website, Hizb-ut-Tahrir claims it works to "cultivate a Muslim community that lives by Islam in thought and deed, whereby adhering to the rules of Islam and preserving a strong Islamic identity. The party does not work in the West to change the system of government, but works to project a positive image of Islam to Western society and engages in dialogue with Western thinkers, policymakers and academics." Yet, their actions, tactics, and past antics strongly belie this contention. When I learned of their conference and read its title, it came as no surprise that HT would do such a thing. And it brought to mind that age-old adage: with friends like these, who needs enemies?

The United States of America: A Very "Islamic" Place

In the Name of God, the Subtle, the Loving

As our nation recently celebrated the anniversary of its independence on July 4, and with the events that have recently occurred in the "Islamic" Republic of Iran, it got me thinking about the current state of our country. As I reflected upon the United States, I realized that this country is more "Islamic" than many of the so-called "Islamic states" across the world.

Many of the principles upon which our country was founded: freedom of religion (or freedom from religion), freedom of expression, equal protection before the law, respect for minorities, and the like, are core Islamic principles, even if many of these things may not be found in many or most Muslim-majority countries.

Lets take a very simple example (and one close to my heart): that of access for the disabled. My late daughter was disabled, and consequently, we had to move her in a stroller or wheelchair. Because of that, we got a disabled placard from the state of Illinois to allow us to park closer to the door; every public (and most private) building has a ramp for wheelchairs and the like. Most places have automatic doors for the disabled.

When we vacationed in DisneyWorld, they gave us a special pass for disabled children, and we were given the privilege to go to the front of the line (even on Space Mountain), which was a God-send in the July heat. Everywhere we go in America, there are accomodations for the disabled. Indeed, it took a long and hard-fought court battle, but now, this is entrenched in our society. There is nothing more "Islamic" than treating those who are disabled with a little mercy in the public sphere.

Contrast this with my experience in Egypt, where we vacationed with our disabled daughter in 2006. There were no such accomodations for disabled children: no ramps, no automatic doors, no real sidewalks, even. In this aspect, America is more "Islamic" than Egypt.

Here in America, a Muslim, Christian, Jew, Buddhist, Atheist, or whatever can freely practice his or her faith (or lack of faith) without molestation (for the most part). But, truly, I feel more at home as a Muslim here in the United States than I do when I travel to the land of my ancestors, Egypt. Yes, there I can hear the athan, or call to prayer, out loud in the street, and that is very nice. But, I am more free to practice my faith here in the U.S. than I ever could in Egypt or many other Muslim countries.

Take this small example: whenever I go swimming here in the U.S., I typically wear a swimmable shirt along with long swim trunks. I feel more comfortable being more covered, out of religious sensibilies. Again, when I vacationed in Egypt, I was expressly forbidden by the Egyptian resort employees from wearing a shirt in the pool. In America, my desire to wear a shirt is not only protected, it is respected by many. In Egypt, it is derided as "un-natural." The other guests who choose to be practically naked are allowed a carte-blanche, but I am forbidden to fulfill my Islamic sensibilities (in a Muslim country) to wear a shirt.

America is more "Islamic" than many Muslim countries.

I can go on and on. True, America has its faults and shortcomings, especially when it comes to the religious freedom of Muslims. In fact, in Oregon, a law has reached the Governor's desk which expressly bans the wearing of religious attire (read: "hijab") by any teacher in a public school. Still, on the whole, a Muslim has more freedom to be Muslim here than in many (if not most) Muslim countries.

America still has a long way to go, but in so many aspects, the principles by which America has lived and thrived for over 200 years are so very "Islamic," even though this is a majority Christian country. In fact, in the early 20th Century, a prominent Muslim (I forget who it was) said upon returning from America: "I came from a land of Islam without Muslims to a land of Muslims without Islam."

How true that is.

The very un-Islamic Republic of Iran

In the Name of God, the Subtle, the Loving

The events that have unfolded in the Islamic Republic of Iran are truly extraordinary. While there are serious questions about the validity and credibility of the vote conducted on June 12, what is beyond question is the ugly response of the government to protests that have erupted all over Tehran in response to the disputed results. Violent crackdown, mass arrests, and even the killing of several protestors, some caught on video for the world to witness. And all I keep asking myself is, "This is Islamic?"

Islam is more than a personal faith: it is a way of life. It has a set of principles that govern, in a broad sense, every aspect of life, including in the political arena. Principles that are central to the Islamic ethos include justice, respect for the sanctity of life, equality of all before the law and God, among many others. As I read of the violent crackdown of the protests in Tehran, I think to myself of how un-Islamic the Islamic Republic of Iran is behaving.

And this got me thinking...in so many instances in our world today, so many of those who call themselves "Islamic" have been anything but Islamic: the Taliban, the neo-Kharijite murderers of Al Qaeda, the "Islamic" courts of Nigeria, among others. In each instance, those who have acted in Islam's name have been wholly un-Islamic. In fact, I wonder if these quite un-Islamic "Islamics" have not done more damage to the image of Islam around the world. In fact, the Islam-haters and Islamophobes across the world have taken advantage of the barbarism committed by these "Islamic" people to smear the true face of Islam.

Yet, the truth is, the majority of the world's Muslims are not like these vocal "Islamic" hooligans. They quietly pursue their lives, working for the common good, and trying to make a good life on earth before they have to meet their Lord to account for their deeds. They quietly contribute to the greatness of whatever nation in which they reside. They quietly show the beauty of Islam to their friends, neighbors, and co-workers.

The criminals and barbarians who claim to act in Islam's name are hurting the overwhelming majority of innocent Muslims who are trying to live their lives. The criminals and barbarians who claim to act in Islam's name are not doing the faith any service. The criminals and barbarians who claim to act in Islam's name, in fact, are Islam's worst enemies.

Dearest Bayan...

In the Name of God, the Subtle, the Loving

I know that I have bombarded you with multiple posts about the passing of our daughter, Bayan. I truly appreciate your indulgence, your comfort, your condolences, your words of support, and - most importantly - your prayers for me and my family. We could not be more grateful.

As a "final" post in this series, I am posting poems my wife and I wrote to Bayan, to help us deal with the pain of losing her. We will never fully recover...no parent who loses a child ever does. From time to time, we get twinges of pain, and the sorrow overcomes us when we think of her.

Whatever pain I feel pales in comparison to that of my wife. I will never know the true depth of her pain, and I pray the Lord comfort her always. And you can see this come through in her beautiful and very moving poem. Mine follows.

Poem from Mom

Absolutely shocked, devastated, and horrified was I
The day I knew I would have to say good bye
For I was given an angel with a beautiful smile
And the most glamorous pink sparkle in her eye

Dearest Bayan, Your eyes melted my heart each day
"God has truly given me a rare treasure," I would say
Every time you said, "I love you," I would silently cry
Because one day I knew I would have to say good bye

With your soft angelic voice you would sigh, "Mama, please don't cry."
I would hold your hand close to my heart and always touch
Because I knew you had suffered so much
And I knew that one day I would have to say good bye

I knew that one day I would not be able to kiss you
And have the honor of saying, "I love you"
Yet, I always had hope despite the chemo
But deep down, something told me that I would have to let go
Growing inside me was a pain so deep, only a mother may know

In agonizing pain and fury, I held you in my arms as you took your last breath
But, I know you are running and jumping like you couldn't on earth
Despite that heart wrenching day, when I was in sorrow and despair
I know you are doing cartwheels with beautiful long hair

So, when God called you back to His garden to play
I had to let go, yet dearly I wanted you to stay
I just wanted to let you know, it is so hard to move on
The most beautiful 12 years of my life are gone
I have no choice, I know we must part

So, my beautiful angel, although life with you was most precious
With God's permission I will meet you in heaven, and that will be true bliss.


Poem From Dad

You made it through each round with poise and grace
I thought the cancer would go to a far away place
"Maintenance is a snap," I would repeatedly say
Yet nothing prepared me for that horrific day

Everything went wrong on this final round
Your passing brought me to my knees on the ground
The pain I felt as you slowly melted away
Will always be with me each and every day

Every now and then, I see something to remind
A picture, a store, and it sends me into "rewind"
And suddenly, I get a twinge of terrible pain
A war wound from a heart that's been cleft in twain

I miss you so much, my beloved daughter
The light of my life, the best gift for a father
You made every day in my life so special
And watching you die was a living hell

I am trying to move on, one day at a time
And I know that you are in a place blessed and sublime
It is that thought that keeps me moving along
And beneath the pain, causes my heart to sing a happy song

You made it through each round with poise and grace
I had hoped the cancer would go to a far away place
But the Precious Lord wanted you back for His Garden
And so I say to you, my love, "Until we meet again."