My Friday Sermon About Domestic Violence

In the Name of God, the Subtle, the Loving

Today, in the wake of the horrific murder of Sr. Zubair, there is a nationwide call for Friday sermons to speak out against domestic violence. Here is my humble contribution to that effort...



We praise God, the Almighty, the Precious Beloved. All praise is due to Him. We seek refuge in the Lord from the evil tendencies of our selves and from the evil of our actions. We bear witness that there is nothing worthy of worship except God alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (pbuh) is God's Messenger and Servant.

Whomever God guides can never be misguided. Yet, whosoever God leaves to stray can never be guided aright except by His leave. We ask the Precious Beloved to send down His Mercy, His Prayers, and His blessings upon Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), upon his family, his companions, and the Muslims everywhere. Amen.

By now, everyone has heard of the truly outrageous and barbaric murder of Sister Aasiya Zubair, the estranged wife of the CEO of Bridges TV, who was found brutally beheaded in the offices of that TV station. Allegedly, her husband has confessed to her murder, and the incident has sent shockwaves all throughout the Muslim community in America.

Of course, the haters of Islam and Muslims are all over this, claiming that this is expected from Islam and Muslims. That contention is completely false. Domestic violence is a problem that transcends race, culture, color, and religion. It is a scourge that contaminates every society and socioeconomic status. It is a stain on the human condition, and to blame Islam for it is totally unfair.

Nevertheless, it is irrefutable that there is a big problem with domestic violence in the Muslim community. Refusing to say so in the interest of "not saying anything bad about Muslims" will not make it go away. It is, in fact, treason to the Muslim community, as one of the first things one must do in order to cure a disease is to recognize that the ailment exists in the first place. Denial is deadly.

The brutal and barbaric murder of sister Aasiya is a wake up call to our community that something must be done about domestic violence, and it must be done now. And it is a horrific state of affairs that such a brutal event had to take place in order to jolt the Muslim community into action.

Let us reflect over what marriage is supposed to be about. True, it is the vehicle through which sexual desire is legally satisfied. But that is a very small thing of marriage. To get married is to enter into a contract with another human being to form the unit through which society is strengthened and the next generation is nurtured. The family unit is sacrosanct in Islam, and this sanctity begins with marriage.

And in the Qur'an, the images of marriage are ones of peace, harmony, love, and tranquility. In chapter 30, verse 21, it says: And among His signs is this: that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your [hearts]: verily in that are signs for those who reflect.

God describes it as a sign, or miracle, that He gave us mates from among ourselves. The Arabic word of the verse is taskunu: meaning a place where someone feels at "home," as the word for home, sakan, comes from the same root word.

In another verse, the Qur'an describes spouses thus: They are your garments, and you are their garments. (2:187) What does a garment do? It protects one from the elements of heat and cold; it hides the faults that are hidden below the garment; it covers what should not be seen by others; and it also adorns and makes the wearer beautiful. That is the perfect description of what spouses do for one another.

Domestic violence and spousal abuse completely destroys that Qur'anic standard of love, mercy, tranquility, and protection. It betrays everything for which Islam calls in a marriage. It is blatant disobedience to God Almighty.

What does one try to accomplish by abusing his or her spouse? Achieving power? Achieving domination over another human being? Are they trying to enslave another human being? Why abuse one's spouse? What logical explanation can there be?

There is no logical explanation. Spousal abuse - whether mental or physical - is totally and wholly unacceptable. Period. End of discussion.

Power lies only with the All-Powerful: All power belongs to God, and to His Messenger, and to those who believe... (63:8) True power does not come from dominating your spouse. No! True power comes from believing in God, being from among the believers, and following His commands and those of His Messenger (pbuh).

To those who abuse their spouses: Are you better than the Messenger of God (pbuh)? Do you think the advice of the Beloved Prophet (pbuh) was not worthy enough? Was his example not shining enough?

The Prophet (pbuh) said in a hadith: "Could any of you beat his wife as he would beat a slave, and then lie with her in the evening?" In another hadith, he said: "Do not beat the female servants of God." The Prophet (pbuh) never beat or struck any of his wives or children. It never happened. Is this not a good enough example for all of us?

Indeed, there will arise disputes among husband and wife. Yet, no matter how difficult the dispute may be, physical violence can never, ever, ever be an option. Never.

All of this that we discussed is on an individual level - between husband and wife. On a community level, we must get extremely serious about the issue of domestic violence. There must be zero tolerance for domestic violence. If any sister comes forward and claims to be in fear for her life at home, she must be take with the utmost of seriousness. She must be supported, protected, and the claim must be investigated.

There is no shame upon them if they come forward and report abuse, and they must not be made to feel ashamed. Our imams and community leaders must not tell the sisters to "be patient" with an abusive husband. Our communities must establish strong ties with social service organizations that help the victims of spousal abuse, and there are several excellent such organizations right here in Chicago as well as across the country.

We must teach our children, especially our young men, that to be a "man" does not mean beating one's wife into submission. That is not a measure of strength, but rather profound and pathetic weakness. The Prophet (pbuh) said, "The strong man is not one who can wrestle someone to the ground. Rather, the strong man is the one who can control himself when he gets angry." We all must heed this Prophetic wisdom.

If we know that a man is an abuser, he must not be allowed to marry again and continue the cycle of abuse. Imam Mohamed Hagmagid Ali of the ADAMS center first made that call, and I echo it. Sister Aasiya was the third wife of her accused killer, and the two other women filed for divorce because of spousal abuse. How could this be? It does not matter who the man is; if he is a abuser, and does not want to change, then he should not be allowed to marry. Period.

My heart bleeds for the family of sister Aasiya. My heart bleeds for this terrible tragedy. My heart bleeds for the countless other women - Muslim and otherwise - who endure terror at home at the hands of those who should be their best and closest companions.

And my heart burns with rage at those who think that beating their wives is sanctioned by our beautiful faith. They are terribly mistaken. Islam does nothing of the sort, and God does not accept this terrible behavior. Neither should the Muslim community.

Wake up, Muslim community! Wake up! There must never be another Aasiya Zubair. There must never be another instance of an "honor killing." Nay, from this day forward, there must never be another spouse who goes home to a place where she does not feel safe. As Muslims, who are accountable before God on the Day of Judgment, we must eradicate the stain that is domestic violence from our community, once and for all.

American Muslims Call For Swift Action Against Domestic Violence

In the Name of God, the Subtle, the Loving

Below is a press release sent out today calling on American Muslim leaders to address the issue of domestic violence in the Muslim community, in the wake of the horrific murder of Aasiya Zubair. I formally endorse the statement, and had I been able to, I would have signed my name to the statement. A Friday Sermon on this issue from me is forthcoming, God willing.

SAN FRANCISCO – A coalition of Muslim organizations, journalists, community leaders, imams, and other concerned citizens are calling for immediate action by American Muslim leaders and religious figures to address domestic abuse and violence in America, including that found in the American Muslim community, on Friday, February 20, 2009.

In response to the collective concern of the American Muslim community, imams and religious leaders across America have been asked to speak out against domestic violence to their congregations. They are asked to remind congregants of the Prophet Muhammad's abhorrence of harshness, abuse and violence, and emphasize solutions that strengthen families and ensure all members are treated with fairness and respect, free of fear of abuse or violence.

Members of the coalition are contacting imams and religious leaders in major Islamic centers and mosques. They are encouraging sermons addressing domestic violence and are offering resources available through the Peaceful Families Project, a Muslim-run domestic violence prevention organization founded in 2000, to help educate the American Muslim community. This education addresses the extent to which domestic violence exists and strategies to stop it.

Several prominent imams have heeded the call to action by concerned American Muslims including Shaykh Hamza Yusuf of the Zaytuna Institute in Berkeley, Ca. and Imam Tahir Anwar of the South Bay Islamic Association in San Jose, Ca. These imams have committed their Friday sermons to addressing domestic violence and preaching that in the Islamic tradition and by the example of the Prophet Muhammad, family harmony can never be achieved by force and that emotional and physical abuse is never acceptable.

This call is being broadcast through various channels, including blogs, Facebook groups, personal contacts, and news media. "The outcry among Muslim Americans against this type of violence is a heartfelt one," said Shahed Amanullah, editor-in-chief of the online newsmagazine altmuslim.com. "It is essential that we address the problem and take steps to ensure that no one else faces the same tragic fate as Ms. Zubair."

Specific calls to action for imams and religious leaders include:

1. Unequivocally denounce domestic violence and any attitudes that enable or excuse it
2. Remind Muslims that the Prophet Muhammad condemned with unequivocal language all forms of spousal abuse.
3. Immediately create community social service committees made up of qualified social service providers to supply educational resources and staff institutional programs that support abused and battered women.
4. Promote educational and awareness programs that outline abusive and violent behaviors.
5. Allow community members ways of pointing out and preventing the emergence or escalation of possibly abusive relationships and environments

My Shoulder

In the Name of God, the Subtle, the Loving

So many times, I have had to be strong:

Keep my head up,

Keep my face from being long.

So many times, I have had to be tough:

Harden my heart,

Keep it closed and rough.

So many times, I have offered up my shoulder:

To be a place of tears, of rest, of shelter.

So many times, I have offered up my shoulder:

To block the rain, as an enormous boulder.

But don't they ever wonder about how I am feeling?

That as I open up my arms, my heart is reeling?

Don't they realize that my strength is facade?

Smoke and mirrors to hide what's inside?

Don't they know that the shoulder I give,

Is an act of charity that I may live?

Because if they could see with the truest clarity

The truth behind the lies of my eyes

They would see a heart torn apart by calamity

And a soul tormented by the pain I surmise.

But my tears must never flow

My breath must always remain calm.

My true state - I must never show.

It is I who must accept the grieving palm.

And so I offer up my shoulder

To bring relief from the rain.

But know that I am not the colder,

If I can't show you my true pain.

A Proud Signatory to an Honorable Statement

In the Name of God, the Subtle, the Loving

I was blessed to be asked to sign on to a joint Jewish-Muslim statement on peace and justice in the wake of the terrible violence in Gaza. The statement is below, and I am very proud to be included among those Muslims and Jews who signed the statement.

We are representatives of Chicago's Jewish and Muslim communities who have come together with shared values grounded in our respective faith traditions, in light of the recent events in the Middle East and the tragic loss of innocent life, to reaffirm our friendship and our mutual commitment to the preciousness of human life.

The Jewish and Muslim communities have lived peacefully side by side in Chicago for many years. Our respective communities have worked together in partnership to fight injustice, racism, poverty, and indifference

From this position of solidarity and renewed friendship:

• We condemn anti-Semitism and Islamophobia.
• We affirm the preciousness of human life and the safety and security of the people in Gaza and Israel. The life of a Palestinian child and the life of an Israeli child are equally precious.
• We condemn wanton violence, human suffering, and targeting of innocent civilians.
• We pray for a Middle East where Israelis and Palestinians are safe from all forms of violence.
• We pray for continued friendship, and the growth and development in our understanding of one another.
• We pray for an end to the conditions that produce hopelessness.
• We commit to communicating and listening to each other throughout these difficult times.
• We commit to respecting each other even when we disagree.
• We commit to our ongoing relationship, not contingent upon agreement.
• We commit to supporting each other and protecting each other from hate and aggression.
• We embrace the message of hope, peace, and justice for all our communities.

We urge that as our respective communities gather for demonstrations, that the language and symbolism in our signs and chants, while protected by our precious right of freedom speech, do not cross lines and demonize the "other" or incorporate elements of anti-Semitism or Islamophobia.

We believe that these times must serve as a reminder for all of us, individually and institutionally, to redouble our efforts to build bridges with people of all faiths, races, and classes. Only then, will we stand—in all our diversity of opinions—as a united front against hatred, injustice and brutality, locally and abroad. Finally, we pray that our respective communities will be inspired to exemplify the Prophetic values of justice, compassion and courage in working together to bring a lasting peace to our community here and to our sacred region of the world.

Signatories

Jewish-Muslim Community Building Initiative, Co-Chairs, Rabbi Asher

Lopatin and Rabbi Andrea London

Jewish Council on Urban Affairs

Council of Islamic Organizations of Greater Chicago

Inner-City Muslim Action Network

Jewish Labor Committee, Stuart Appelbaum, President,

Mike Perry, Chicago Chair
Muslim Bar Association

Islamic Society of Northwest Suburbs

Aliza Becker, Brit Tzedek v'Shalom
Imam Senad Agic, Islamic Cultural Center, Northbrook
Rabbi Lisa Bellow, Congregation Beth Am, Buffalo Grove
Rabbi Simcha Bob, Aitz Chaim, Lombard
Rabbi Herbert Bronstein, Rabbi Emeritus North Shore Congregation
Rabbi Paul Cohen, Temple Jeremiah, Northfield
Rabbi Shoshanah Conover, Temple Sholom of Chicago
Rabbi Darryl Crystal, KAM Isaiah Israel, Chicago
Rabbi Bruce Elder, Congregation Hakafa
Rabbi Capers Funnye, Beth Shalom B'nai Zaken Ethiopian Hebrew Congregation
Rabbi Wendi Geffen, North Shore Congregation Israel, Glencoe
Tabassum Haleem, Executive Director, Organization of Islamic Speakers, Midwest
Rabbi Sidney Helbraun, Beth El, Northbrook

Dr. Hesham A. Hassaballa, co-author, The Beliefnet Guide to Islam

Rabbi Peter Knobel, Beth Emet Synagogue, Evanston, president Central
Conference of American Rabbis
Rabbi Jonathan Magidovitch, Congregation B'nai Torah
Rabbi Steve Mason, North Shore Congregation Israel, Glencoe
M. Khalid Mozaffar

Ayesha K. Mustafaa, Editor, Muslim Journal newspaper, Homewood
Camille Odeh, Executive Director, Southwest Youth Collaborative, Chicago, Illinois

Rabbi David Oler, Beth Or, Deerfield
Rabbi Aaron Mark Petuchowski, Temple Sholom of Chicago
Jane Ramsey, Executive Director, Jewish Council on Urban Affairs

Rabbi Brant Rosen, Jewish Reconstructionist Congregation, Evanston
Amina Saeed, president-elect, Muslim Bar Association
Rabbi Dov Taylor, Congregation Solel
Rabbi Jeffrey Weill, Temple Beth-El
Rabbi Michael Weinberg, Temple Beth Israel, Skokie
Rabbi Michael Zedek, Emmanuel Congregation
Rabbi Marc Berkson
Rabbi Herbert Bronstein
Rabbi Miriam Burg
Rabbi Ellen Dreyfus
Rabbi Laurence Edwards
Rabbi Suzanne Griffel
Rabbi Robert J. Marx
Eboo Patel, author Acts of Faith
Rabbi David Sandmel
Rabbi Michael Stevens
Rabbi Ira Youdovin

Obama and the Muslim World

In the Name of God, the Subtle, the Loving

Below is an excerpt of a guest post I was asked to write for Religion Transcends, a religion blog.

It was truly a remarkable sight to see the president of the United States give his first interview as president to an Arabic news channel. After 8 years of a Bush Administration that alienated much of, not only the Arab and Muslim worlds, but the larger global community, it was so refreshing to hear the president say, “My job is to communicate the fact that the United States has a stake in the well-being of the Muslim world, that the language we use has to be a language of respect.” After having a president who talked about “Islamofascists,” it was invogorating to hear President Obama say, “My job is to communicate to the American people that the Muslim world is filled with extraordinary people who simply want to live their lives and see their children live better lives.”

Read the rest of the post here.